Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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