How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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