There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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