Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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