Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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