Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
