Im at strip club and am horny
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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