she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
