He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
