new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
