I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
