He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
