Your mouth is God's brothel.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
