I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
