i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?