ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's never too late to be topless.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?