No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's blow job season.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.