we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.