the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
