my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME