True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I look excited, but its just a facade.