My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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