Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
