The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
