I want to have your abortion
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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