It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
