Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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