I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
