I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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