there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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