Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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