just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
