Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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