Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
