it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
