I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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