y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
