Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
