is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
