somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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