hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
