She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
