This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
