I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
