I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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