That's when you crack a 10am beer
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
