i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
