Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
