You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
