I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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