i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
