So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
