I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
