Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
