4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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