Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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