Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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