What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
