Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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