I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
