So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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