I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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