I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
