This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
