so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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