Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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