My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
