I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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