No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
