Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.