Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.