So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain