i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl