It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
