Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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