maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
